Fear

While I try my best to not fear anything, there are of course plenty of things that I fear.

Most of these fears are also completely out of my control. So while I fear the loss of a loved one which could come at any point, I know that much of this is beyond my control, so all I can do is my best to enjoy the little time I'm given with anyone.

So the one thing that I do fear though that is in my control is losing a positive outlook on life.

I hate pessimism. I despise it. I cannot be surrounded by it, nor can I play a part in it. Yet, it's so easy to fall into. To become someone who is just against the world. Everyone becomes an enemy. A hated one. A rival. Someone to fight. Someone to fear. 

That is what I fear. This mentality of kill or be killed. 

I'm not talking about sports here. I'm talking about life.

Give me positivity. Give me friendship. Give me understanding. These are the things that I want to be surrounded by. These are the elements that bring a spark to the unfortunate monotony of everyday life. 

Especially in a creative world, it's so easy to fall to jealousy. This mental thought kills me. It's so unsupportive in all aspects. I hate it when I think it because it also means that I'm not creating. I'm worrying about someone else and I'm also frustrated by something out of my control. 

What I need to do is just worry about myself. Worry about my business. Worry about my projects. I want to be the friend that supports anyone and everyone in their creative projects and ideas they care about. I want be the type of person that sees everyone succeed and be happy by it. 

What I fear is that I won't be that person. I don't want to be that person. Ever.